Fifty Shades of Fever

I wasn’t planning on blogging about the E.L. James series until a recent conversation with a friend. She asked me if I’d read the books.

Yes.” I admitted with a slightly guilty smile. In my defense, however, I read the print versions and did not find it necessary to conceal the highly-recognizable covers.

“I couldn’t make it past the first one.” My friend shared with an equally sheepish face.

I pondered her words. While I could understand why she felt that way, I thought that she should read all 3 books before writing the entire series off. And I told her so.

“Why?” My friend is nothing if not practical.

My short answer: I thought that Ana and Christian’s journey was interesting.

Okay, the sex wasn’t bad either.

After our conversation, I got to wondering if I could explain the strange fascination—dare, I say fever—with James’ series? Certainly the Fifty Shades trilogy has spun the women of this country into “a state of nervous excitement or agitation.” (Yes, I googled the definition of “fever” to make sure I was using it in context.)

So here goes. And guys, like Soap Opera Digest columnist Carolyn Hinsey says, “It’s only my opinion.”

By the time I was curious enough to read Fifty Shades of Grey, the other two books had been published. That was good. It would have pissed me off to have to wait between the first and second book. (Spoiler alert—Ana and Christian break up at the end of the first book.) Luckily, they were only apart for the five minutes or so it took me to pick up Fifty Shades Darker. I read Fifty Shades Freed immediately after and I am not ashamed to say that I enjoyed the trilogy immensely.

But why?

There’s been a lot written about the subversive effect of these books. Many readers espouse that James’ books are degrading to women and an unwelcome return to the “bodice rippers” of the past, i.e., books written by authors like Catherine Coulter, Johanna Lindsey, and Bertrice Small. Certainly Catherine Coulter’s writing has evolved. I am a big fan of her Sherlock and Savich FBI series. Today Coulter’s characters are strong, intelligent, and fully-realized heroines. As a longtime Lindsey fan, I would say that her writing has changed as well. It’s been years since she wrote about a pretty young thing being abducted and forced into sexual slavery—Captive Bride (1977) and Silver Angel (1988). Bertrice Small…not so much. Based on a recommendation from my library, I recently read Bianca: the Silk Merchant’s Daughter. Bertrice Small still writes a mean “bodice ripper,” however, my taste has evolved.  

Other readers are turned off by the S&M that serves as an important backbone of the Fifty Shades trilogy. After everything I’d heard about the series, I was actually surprised by how “vanilla” the S&M turned out to be. One over-energetic spanking at the end of book one, and Ana immediately breaks it off with Christian. (So, um, I guess Ana didn’t actually read that sexual contract Christian presented her with at the start of the relationship.)

Some readers saw Christian’s lifestyle choice as a way to dominate and degrade the women in his life. I saw the same choice as a defense mechanism for someone who’d been abused as a boy. Spoiler alert—I was right! Christian was abused as a child by a drug addict mother and her cohorts, and then again as a teenager by a blonde Mrs. Robinson. In fact, I guessed early on that the Fifty Shades trilogy would turn out to be the story of how the innocent Ana saves the sadistic Christian—not the story of how the sadistic Christian defiles the innocent Anna.

And, along the way, they had some pretty hot sex.

So why did I enjoy the Fifty Shades trilogy so much? Because at its heart, Ana and Christian’s story is the classic tale about a “good” girl who wins her “bad” boy—and that’s right up my alley. I just love me some “bad” boy. Now, if we only had more women’s fiction about the “good” boy who wins his “bad” girl. I find that scenario equally engaging, and I blame the debacle that was Grease 2 for why the literary world and Hollywood avoids that story.

So, if you’re not a fan of good girls saving bad boys, here are three other benefits to reading E.L. James Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy:

1.       It gives hope to everyone who writes fan fiction and has secretly wanted to publish. In fact, the books will likely make you feel better about your own writing skills.

2.       It may just improve your sex life. If you’re like me, reading a book is often the last thing I do before I go to sleep. (Wink. Wink. Nudge. Nudge.)

3.       It extends the life of Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight series. Love Bella and Edward? Try Ana and Christian. It’s like Twilight—only with A LOT of sex. In other words, less starry-eyed gazing and more starry-eyed spanking.

All in the Family

One of my co-workers recently said that she doesn’t read many series because she gets tired of the same characters. It surprised me, as I absolutely adore a good series. Then I got to thinking about her words. And I realized that while I do follow some series with the same characters—Stephanie, Morelli, and Ranger—most of the series I follow fall into different categories. Like families, friends, or even… hockey teams? These types of series offer the best of both worlds. The main characters are unique in each book, but then show up as secondary characters that you can follow in subsequent books. So for the next three weeks I thought I’d blog on some of my favorite series. First up: the Malory family.

When I think about families, these words always come to mind: “You can choose your friends, but not your family.” And sometime it’s this quote: “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” Either one probably works. At least that’s the case with Johanna Lindsey’s 1985 classic, Love Only Once, the first in her series about the rambunctious Malory’s. The head of the Malory family is the overbearing and controlling Jason, the Marquis of Haverston. Jason has disowned his brother James, who is now a notorious pirate, and has a very chilly relationship with his rakehell brother Anthony. The fourth brother, Edward, is often forced to play peacemaker between his hot-headed younger brothers and Jason. The book starts off with the abduction of Lady Regina Malory. It turns out to be a case of mistaken identity. Nicholas Eden, Viscount of Montieth, actually meant to “kidnap” and ravish his mistress. Try telling that to Reggie’s overprotective uncles. Nicholas did, and he was promptly trounced for his efforts. While the Malory brothers do not get along, they would kill to protect their beloved niece whom they’d raised since infancy. After quite a few misunderstandings, threats, and bludgeonings from “the Uncles,” Reggie and Nicholas marry and fall in love. Their story sets the stage for the renegade James to return to the bosom of his family.

The second book in the series, Tender Rebel, belongs to Anthony and the beautiful Scottish heiress he saves from the greedy clutches of her loathsome cousin. While it’s quite enjoyable to see the elegant Anthony lose his sangfroid over the bonny Roslynn, it was the third book in the series that cemented my interest. Gentle Rogue has it all—pirates, American buccaneers, and a saucy cabin boy who is soon seduced by the sensuous James. Oh wait, perhaps I should mention that the saucy cabin boy is actually an American girl in disguise. Georgina Anderson sets sail on James’ boat, trying to get back to America before her family finds her missing. Of course James catches onto her ruse from the get-go. And the scenes of the virile captain flirting with his cabin boy are priceless. Eventually the reformed pirate seduces and then falls in love with “George.” The caveat: James has sworn never to marry. To save face, James comes up with an asinine idea—he will tell Georgie’s five overprotective older brothers about their high seas adventures, and they will force them to marry. After all, it worked with Reggie and Nicholas Eden. But Georgie throws a monkey wrench into the plans when she refuses to marry James without an admission of love. Let the games begin.

Book four, The Magic of You, is my favorite of the series. I’ve read this one so many times, the spine gave out, and I had to replace it. In this book, the impish Amy Malory (Edward’s daughter) tries to win the heart of the thoroughly unpleasant, but totally hot, Warren Anderson (Georgie’s brother). Warren is surly, rude, and hated by all the Malory men. But does that deter Amy? Nope. If possible, she’s even more headstrong than her sister-in-law, Georgie, who reluctantly signs off on the plan for Amy to heal Warren’s broken heart. Despite repeated rebukes from Warren, Amy persists in “wooing” the object of her affections. From their first illicit kiss—instigated by the smitten Amy—to their forced confinement at the hands of a vengeful Chinese Emperor, the sparks are immediate. The only question remaining: why does it take the stubborn Warren so long to give into the inevitable?

Other Malory books include: Say You Love Me (Jason’s son Derek Malory’s story); The Present (Jason’s story with his long-time paramour Molly); A Loving Scoundrel (James’ illegitimate son Jeremy Malory’s story); Captive of My Desires (Georgie’s brother Drew Anderson’s story); No Choice but Seduction (Georgie’s brother Boyd Andersen’s story). The 10^th book in the series, That Perfect Someone, came out last year. 

So why should you embrace the Malory’s? From lavish Regency balls to bawdy taverns in the seedy sections of London to high-seas adventures with pirates and buccaneers, this romance series has it all. Enjoy!

The Trouble with Books

I was an early reader. From my standardized test results in 2^nd grade, I was already reading at a 12^th grade level. How do I know? Scarily enough, my Dad saved every report card from K through college graduation in a manila folder, including standardized tests. Many years later, he gave me this folder. I’ve yet to throw it away. Perhaps you’ll see me on A&E’s Hoarders one day?

My tale takes place in 6^th grade. (I’ll leave it to you to guess the year.) A Judy Blume book was circulating around the school. I’d read the classics, including Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing and Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret, but the buzz on this book was different. The rumor: this book was banned from our school library! When I finally got my sweaty hands on Wifey, I removed the cover so I could leave the book in my desk and read it at school. When you read quietly, the teachers pretty much left you alone. They had 30 kids to track. My eagle-eyed mother had only two chicks in her nest. And she didn’t miss much.

Soon parent-teacher conferences rolled around. Happy to not have school, I lolled around in bed trying to figure out just what the heck was going on with the “wifey.” It was about sex. I knew that much—but not a great deal more. What can I say? I’m Catholic, and my parents were pretty strict. And then…holy hell in a handbag! I’d left the book in my desk, and my mom had her conference today. Mom never missed the opportunity to go through my things. And there was no way she’d overlook a book with the cover torn off. That was blasphemy in my home! Luckily, I lived right across the street from my school, and I was able to sneak in and retrieve the book between conferences. My teacher suspected nothing—sometimes being a straight-A bookworm helps.

And then sometimes being a straight-A bookworm doesn’t help at all. At least that was the case when Mom caught me reading Johanna Lindsey’s Captive Bride. For those of you unfamiliar with this classic Lindsey, I quote verbatim from Amazon: "Once Christina had rejected Philip's fervent offer of marriage. But now she is to be his slave—desperate for the freedoms denied her...yet weakened by her heart's blazing desire to willingly explore her virile captor's most sensuous cravings." Apparently, Mom didn’t find it suitable reading material for her 11-year daughter.

Captive Bride is not my favorite Lindsey. After all, I was raised by a card-carrying member of the women’s rights movement. Mom’s motto: Anything a man can do, a woman can do better. She’s since relaxed this sentiment, but it’s too late for me. I continue to espouse it with great “fervor.” Even at 11, I wanted the heroine, Christina Wakefield, to engineer her own escape from the Sheik—not fall in love with the reprobate. And yet, Captive Bride gave birth to my love of romance novels. I continue to read them (and Johanna Lindsey) today. Her entire collection resides on my sagging bookshelves. Some I’ve read so many times, I’ve had to replace them. Despite the corny titles and the fact that Fabio appears on nearly every original cover, here are three Lindsey’s that are definitely worth a read.

Got Viking? Set in 873 Wessex, Hearts Aflame is the love story of feisty Viking heroine Kristen Haardrad and the powerful Saxon Lord Royce of Wyndhurst, who attempts—with varying degrees of success—to tame her. Kristen is not your traditional heroine. Not only is she 6 feet tall, she has zero interest in the muscle-bound Vikings of her village. Kristen longs for freedom and adventure, which is why she stows away on her brother’s longboat. Unfortunately the Viking raid goes awry. Kristen’s brother Selig is killed. (Or maybe not, as Selig gets his own book in Lindsey’s Surrender My Love.) When the Vikings are captured and enslaved by the Saxons, crafty Kristen disguises herself as a boy to escape the inevitable raping and pillaging. But Royce is no fool. He’s also not attracted to flaxen-haired males, so he quickly figures out Kristen’s secret. Let the games begin. Kristen and Royce are an equal match—stubborn, headstrong, and passionate. And while Royce thinks he has the upper hand when he beds Kristen, it’s actually Kristen who’s driving this story. The chemistry between Kristen and Royce is off the chart. So, if you like sweaty Viking sex in frigid Nordic temperatures, this is the book for you.

Defy Not the Heart features my favorite Lindsey hero—the gruff yet noble Ranulf Fitzhugh. Set in medieval England (circa 1192), the castle of Lady Reina de Champeney is under seige. In the hopes of forcing Lady Reina to wed, the dastardly Lord Rothwell has hired the brave and oh-so-buff Ranulf to kidnap the noblewoman. But Reina is no shrinking violet. She quickly comes up with a proposition for Ranulf—he should marry her himself. And from the way Lindsey describes the golden-haired knight, I’d have made the same offer. Reina is a little unusual for a Lindsey heroine in that she is not “breathtakingly beautiful.” Instead, Reina is a diminutive but resolute heroine who quickly wins over the hearts of Ranulf and readers. In one scene, the ubiquitous “other woman” tries to seduce the luscious Ranulf. She is summarily rebuffed when Ranulf makes it clear that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that he remains true to Reina. Now that’s romance.

Lindsey’s Once a Princess is yet another take on Beauty and the Beast. Set in 1835, Stefan Barany is scarred—physically and emotionally. In an act of bravery, a young Stefan was disfigured when he stepped in front of an assassin’s rapier. Today most women are repulsed by his ruined face. So when Stefan’s told he must travel to America, retrieve a long-lost Princess, and then marry her in order to receive the kingdom, Stefan is not a happy puppy—I mean, Prince. Then things get complicated. Stefan convinces his handsome cousin, Vasili, to pose as the Prince. The royal party finds that instead of living a life of exiled luxury, Princess Tatiana Janacek has lived a life of hardship and degradation. Even worse she’s clueless about her royal roots. Princess Tatiana, or Tanya as she is now known, believes herself the daughter of an abusive tavern-owner who has literally forced her to dance for her keep. Stefan is initially revolted by the slovenly Tanya. But it turns out that clever Tanya has hidden her breathtaking beauty to escape the attentions of drunken bar patrons. Beauty is unmasked first. Tanya further confounds her Beast by spurning the delectable Vasili and falling in lust with the scarred and surly Stefan. So what’s a Beast to do? My suggestion: just give in to his happy-ever-after. But this is a Lindsey—not a Disney. So Stefan must first get Tanya to forgive his deception, save her from assassins who’ve wiped out the entire Janacek family, and then finally accept that Beauty can love the Beast.